Beware, dear fellow Abramelists, because the following might be a little disturbing and you may want to reconsider if you really want to read this. What I’m going to describe are some of the problems one may run into but in reality isn’t very likely to run into during the Operation. I’m trying to perform Abramelin under not always the most favorable circumstances, and while I feel reasonably safe at the moment, I’m still confronted with situations which definitely don’t look very safe, especially for an outsider, and it isn’t my intention to put you off, or scare you in any way. My circumstances aren’t yours, and my Operation isn’t yours, so if you do decide to read this article, try not to identify with my struggle. I sincerely hope that no one ever has to go through the things I went through during this whole period.
But very strange things can happen during the course of the Operation (for example, they wanted to put me on national tv at one time during the beginning of the Operation, for whatever reasons. WTF? I hate tv!), and what I’m about to share, what happened to me in the last two weeks is once again one of those extremely weird things which I didn’t even think possible. The focus of this little story is, as you may have already guessed, on the material side of things and not on the “higher” perspective of the matter. As I said, I got enough reasons to feel safe, if looking at it from this higher perspective. But from a materialistic perspective I’m still that person with my background deep in the big black greasy heart of the Matrix, and although I’m rapidly learning and have become a hell of a lot better at it since I started, in extreme situations I haven’t yet been able to rid myself completely of my conditioning and of fight or flight response tendencies.
There’s a little bit of a background to this story, but I shall try to keep it short. The point is: I hate our countries welfare system, and I hate having to be on the other end of it! It is of course not welfare in itself which I hate, I wouldn’t be writing an article on this site if this were the case, but it is governments using this system to control people which I hate. I’m not your effin’ circusanimal who jumps through a hoop at your command, I never was, I never will be. I never worked or did anything for money. Money came naturally to me while I did what I most liked to do, and I have no reason to believe that I won’t be able to make money the same way again later, even if it will be through different means. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when we have to do things we don’t particularly like to do.. we all have. It’s who you’re doing these things for what matters. Are you doing them for your own sake or for people or causes who you believe deserve having these things done for them, or are you doing them for a control obsessed self proclaimed master?
So I hated it, having to stand there with an open hand at this counter basically begging for money. But giving in was probably the smarter thing to do at that point in my life, because it was either this and get the chance to focus on finding some inner guidance, or get myself lost in the labyrinth, and running the great risk of meeting my final Minotaur. Besides, I’m pretty far from the perfect anarchist (if such a person even exists). I’m nothing more than the somewhat nutty lost raver, who suddenly saw himself walking away from the rave and stumbled upon anarchy, magick and mysticism and discovered that the ideas presented were very close to his own. But my behavior wasn’t always a perfect reflection of my thoughts and opinions most of the time. Being raised by hippy parents and growing up with materialistic buddies (my other family) might explain this strange dichotomy which was (and which still, to a hopefully much lesser extent is) me. I’m still a hopeless fool for shiny things, slowly learning not to give in. But I’m digressing.
So when I saw this George Lucas movie, THX 1138, I looked at it philosophically, although of course part of it happens literally in the real world. But I had no idea as to what and how great an extent this could really happen. I found out in the last two weeks, or last two days to be more exact. If you haven’t seen this movie, watch it. It’s a good movie.
But the trouble started longer ago (a month and a half maybe). I accidentally broke the OS on my computer, which was entirely my own fault. But this caught me off guard and in combination with summer heat I didn’t handle this problem well and lost balance. When I finally had it fixed after a week or so and was beginning to gain back some balance the Machine began to discontentedly blast its of sour metal stinking raging fumes through my mailbox again. Who the hell sends you 3000+ Euro bills because somewhere, at some time, in some place someone miscalculated something and now “corrected” it, which is not your fault? Of course things like this are just a craving for attention and I got used to it and just ignore it. I owe you 3000 bugs just because you say so? Alright, fine, get in line with the rest of those bastards who believe I “own” them anything. But you’ll become annoyed, and it’ll affect your work (especially if your already out of balance. Remember, this is Abramelin, which is already hard enough on your psyche even without negging psychopaths trying to force you into submission through mischievous means). And of course it didn’t stop there. Letters kept coming, people started to knock on my door, and I stayed silent. Just try to stay calm, keep balancing, and also don’t try to force the work which would only cost you a lot of energy and to lose even more resistance. Seek distraction or rest if you have to. Your greatest weapon is to, in your mind, divorce yourself completely from all that which you possess. That way you’ll have absolutely nothing to lose. The worst thing which can happen is you die, and don’t get me wrong, I definitely don’t want to die and will do everything to prevent physical death. But even though I have to push a great deal of fear aside when I say this: I am without a single drop of doubt, fully prepared to die for my ideals and what I believe to be true (unless of course I receive strong evidence which contradicts what I hold to be true). This is the virus which when given a chance will destroy the Machine, because the Machine will never comprehend this behavior, and it rightfully fears what it doesn’t understand. The reason is it can’t control it.
And so it goes through extreme measures to control that which is doesn’t understand. So I’m just sitting here or doing whatever going about my business a week or two ago, and someone begins to violently knock on my doors and windows. A little bit intimidating but fine, they’ll go away, eventually . I never open the door by the way because by now I’m pretty well aware of the despicable tricks these people use to have it their way. One trick I actually never fell for, to give an example, is to send you a package on your birthday. This of course is the perfect bait for your average materialist, a box. Who doesn’t love the good ol’ box, the perfect representation of materialism. So you open the door, get your box, open your box and congratulations, you have just been summoned to appear into court at this or that date, on this or that time. I’m luckily not that greedy, and wouldn’t accept a box in such a way even if they told me it had a million Euro’s in it.
The following day, I was just about to fall asleep (I sleep during most of the day, try to work at night when it’s quiet) and somebody, presumably the same person, begins to knock my door again. I learned to ignore outside noises but this sound was so bone-crushingly violent that it even woke my neighbor who must have had a day off and was sleeping late, or was at least trying to (judging from the grumbling sounds coming from the other side of my bedroom wall). I was pretty annoyed and had to get up to cool off with a cigarette and a movie.
The same day in the evening same story, which was when it hit me.. Someone wants to dance. Believe it or not, I’ve been through a hell of a lot worse during some periods of my whole Abramelin ordeal. I know the deal. I got my headphones out, which I hate to wear btw because I already messed up one of my ears pretty badly going through something similar (also during Abramelin). But still, better deaf than bonkers. I did some divination, and uses Magick but, but.. if you’ll ever find yourself in such a situation or something similar never ever attack your opponent with magick, even when it’s justified (unless your opponnent is a magician him/ or herself. Which is an entirely different game of chess altogether), because chances are you’ll only worsen the situation. You’d also, because of lowering your frequency, be much more likely to become prone to anger, which makes it much more difficult not to give in and rip off someones head. What I do amongst other things do, is to keep the appropriate Gods and spirits which I work with well fed. Some of the spirits I work with and completely trust have their own free will, I don’t tell them how to handle a particular situation. Well, I don’t really tell or force any Spirit or God how to handle anything, but to take Ares as an example (he comes to mind because I worked with him during these last few days and just made an offering of some incense and a candle to him), I requested specifics, in this case to help me keep my head cool and my temperament even cooler. This worked great by the way. But other spirits who have helped me in the past and whom I greatly trust, I just give them what they need and if they want to help me in any way they can use that energy in any way they choose to. I don’t ask them to specifically help me with this or that. If they choose to attack someone who’s in my way, then it’s between them and the other. I got nothing to do with it. (I have to make it clear that if I’m talking about attack I’m not talking about physically harming anyone. I don’t want to go into a debate about when physically harming someone is appropriate or not, but greatly frown upon it in some and despise it in most cases. Self defense of the body or what happens between consenting individuals I don’t really count as violence. I digress again).
And so we danced. I can’t say that I was curious as to whom I was dancing with, because to me they’re all the same if it comes down to it, but got a hint when the light of a flashlight became visible on my closed window-curtains. It made it probable it was the police, but if it was the police than why didn’t they identify themselves as such? I heard someone call my name once, but that was all I ever heard.
The week went on and I was becoming pretty frustrated. Even if though I’d taken the proper precautions, and they were working, what bothers me most when people try to brute force me is the stupidity of it, which of course says a lot about people using such methods. It’s like the chess player always going straight for his opponents king, completely ignoring all the other pieces on the board. Unless you’re playing against someone who uses the same strategy, (and after his third try he must have already been aware that I didn’t) you can be pretty sure that, unless you change your strategy, you’re going to lose.
He lost with a flash and a bang. Once again he knocked me out of sleep yesterday. I forgot to wear my bedphones, and only slept for an hour or two before he woke me up. I was extremely frustrated and extremely angry. But then I heard him throw something in my mail. I went down, looked at my mail and there it was, this letter: POLICE. It was pretty hard not to feel intimidated, especially since I knew had broken no laws, at least none that I was aware of. I opened the letter, read, and will skip to the main part:
“[We] are worried about you [(THX 1138 We only want to help you)] because [these people] as well as your housing association, and your neighbors haven’t heard or seen you for a while. I leave you my number and in case I don’t hear from you today we will be breaking and entering your home tomorrow at 9.30 AM to see if everything is alright.”
What?! I was furious. How did he even make that up? But I called alright, nervous as hell, furious and shaking at the same time. I felt incredibly intimidated. How dare they?? Phone rings, I’m shaking, breathing heavily thinking “I must remain calm. Remember Abramelin rules.. stay humble”..
“Yes hello,” an enormously friendly voice answers which sounded like one of those pretending to be communists with their own hidden agenda, with a voice which try’s to lull you into sweet submission. A bit like the O’Brien character in Orwell’s 1984 maybe. “Hello, yes you call in regards to the..” and then it happened.. An invisible force took hold of me, possessed me momentarily and all nervousness fell off me down into the ground like a static electric antenna suddenly being discharged by contact with the earth. I heard myself interrupting him, but was it me who was talking? It was my voice but I had no control of what was being said but whatever it was, it was in charge alright. Not just in charge of him but it controlled all of us: “Yes indeed, in regard to the letter I just received from you. I just want to say this: You do NOT have a right to break into my home. I AM OK. The instigators, the ones who send you to my home, they are aware that I am socially phobic [SAD]. This is the reason I’m NOT opening my door” “B.. b.. b.. but.. these people” he says, but I (or whoever), interrupted him again: “There is NO LAW which says that I should be either seen or heard”, “Yes I KNOW but.. Listen.. listen”, “No sir, I’m not interested. I said all I wanted to say. Have a nice day mister..” “But.. but.. buttttt” CLICK and I won.
At least that was what it felt like immediately after the call. Later in the day, I was deadly tired, couldn’t get back to sleep, and I started to become a bit paranoid and wondered if he properly received the message. In theory I had the upper hand, to put it lightly. I had here a document, signed by him in big blue letters, threatening to break and enter my home because I wasn’t being “seen or heard”. I’m pretty sure that’s pretty illegal. What makes it even more ridiculous was who did the not seeing and not hearing me. These people, including my neighbors are all strangers to me. I’ve fleetingly seen my next door neighbors twice since they moved in two years ago. I’m not sure if it was them that he spoke to, but confronted with the police they probably got nervous and “denied all charges”. There’s no way they don’t hear me. But I’ve got other neighbors too and to my knowledge people stick to themselves around here, but I don’t know since I don’t go out much, and don’t really know any of them. Why on earth would the people who rent this place to me need to hear from me? I pay my rent every month so there’s no reason for me to hear from them, or for them to hear from me. But the people who instigated this, of course, that’s the whole point. In my dealings with them (which is quite some time ago) I roughly explained them my situation, and how I get nervous when people knock at my door, so they of course thought they could use this method to provoke me and get a reaction. In other words, they try to make you nuts and if it works you’ll automatically come running towards them, only for them to tell you “see, we told ya you couldn’t do without our help”.
But I don’t need help, I never asked for help and if I would need psychological help they wouldn’t even be the last whom I’d approach to get it. So instead they go through great lengths to force it through your throat, and are even willing to go so far as to break into your house to give it to you. “Swallow the pill son, drugs are healthy” in the words of the psychiatrist they send me to (and I’m not kidding, that’s what he said. And he was being very serious about it too. So that’s what they learn during 5+ years study, while the toxicity levels of every single drug are just a mouse click away and accessible for anyone with more than two brain cells). I, of course, told him something else about drugs and psychiatric meds. And that was the end of that conversation. I never saw him again and never took any of their meds.
So.. yeah, the world is turning into a dystopian movie in which you have to be SEEN and HEARD by your masters, preferably all the time, and it has been doing so for a long time.
With only two hours sleep I stayed up all night till 10 this morning. Who ever it was, he seemed extremely dumb and it didn’t seem as if he was too concerned with the consequences of his actions before, so I didn’t quite trust if he’d be now. The spirits were able to calm me down last night and made it clear that he wouldn’t take any further action, but I felt too uneasy not to make sure.
He never came, and also quit behaving like a member of the Gestapo. So thanks Ares, and all those Gods and spirits who have the patience to keep supporting me through these nightmarish episodes.